Psychology Today Blogs - Dr. Gabriela Cora

Would You Prefer a Male Boss, Female Boss, or Both?

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:12:33 -0700

Bosses' gender may affect your level of stress at work, although it is not clear how or why. In a recent study published in the September issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, only men who worked for a mixed-gender pair seemed to have fewer mental and physical symptoms of distress as compared to any other group.

The discussion argues that women who act like their male counterparts in leadership positions are more prone to being disliked and cause stressful situations at work. The comparison then extended to Hillary Clinton's competitive style.

Many claim Senator Clinton was ill-advised in not being "herself," particularly during the beginning of her campaign. Others say it was too late when she started showing her more human side. In contrast, Sarah Palin seems to have shown more of who she is, even when we have had little direct access to her after her nomination. She, herself, chose to compare hockey moms to pit bulls and doesn't seem to be concerned about being seen "too aggressive" in any way (should I remind everyone she hunts, fishes, and owns guns?) She has shown enough of the culturally-accepted feminine side by having a husband and a family. Republicans are infatuated with her assertiveness and Democrats call her... names.

Female leaders are also called names at work. They sometimes use these names themselves. I refer to positive Alpha Female Leaders as Alpha Fees and talk about their negative counterparts as Alpha Fee Bees.

Food For Thought: Aside from your political view, If Hillary had stood up for her candidacy (that is, not exiting the competition), do you believe she would have shown a more male or female leadership style? Do you believe Obama would feel comfortable being paired with a female counterpart? If so, what do you believe her characteristics would be given his style? How about the McCain and Palin pair, what are your thoughts regarding their combined leadership style?

Sexist or Fair Game?

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:13:08 -0700

I have been receiving a number of thoughtful comments in previous blog entries and I thought I would address one of the subjects that I myself have questioned while watching the political debates - are some of the comments sexist or fair game?

Just like in the workplace, these elections have raised many issues around race, gender, and age bias. The political campaign currently reignites gender-based discussions previously seen between Senators Clinton and Obama, and now between Governor Palin, Obama, and Senator Biden. In an unexpected turn of events, Obama is now confronted with yet another female contender: Sarah Palin, who seems to have more public appeal than Obama, as well as over Senator McCain.

Although gender issues may appear in more subtle ways in Corporate America and organizations, the campaign amplifies what goes on at different levels. Racism, Sexism, and Ageism are realities that exist outside of politics - through the media magnifying glass, however, we can observe them in closer detail. I could go into great detail about each of these areas but, for the sake of discussion, let's just focus on sexism - after all, this is a blog on Alpha Females.

An easy way to determine whether or not we are being sexist is to ask ourselves if we would pose the same question to a candidate of the opposite sex. As a side note, I want to add that the following questions may be considered valid - my point is merely to explore why it is that one candidate is asked questions that are not asked of the other candidate based solely on his or her gender. Here are some examples that I have noted:

1. When asking whether Sarah Palin can be a good leader while simultaneously filling her role (adequately) as a mother could be considered a sexist comment. Would we ask whether Barack Obama is a suitable candidate, given the fact that he has children? Would we ask him if he can perform his job well and not be distracted by his role as a parent?

2. If Palin decided to live in another city away from her family, like in Obama's case, my hunch is people would criticize her as an absent spouse and mother. No questions so far have been asked of Obama regarding his separate living situation.

3. Palin pointing out she fought the "good old boys club" is a sexist comment. If Obama were to comment that he fought the "ultra feminist supporters of Clinton" during the primaries, he would have been called on it.

4. Setting up the difference between Biden and Palin, stating that she is beautiful, is sexist (would you imagine Biden stating that a male contender's difference is that his contender is handsome?).

5. Stating that Palin's daughter may have become pregnant because her mother wasn't around is a sexist comment and has little to do with Palin's ability to lead. It is a reflection of society's expectation of a woman's role.

On the other end, what is fair game?

1. Wondering about someone's experience in terms of time spent at the job is fair game. Take the example of two separate résumés on an employer's desk. As the employer, you will look at the experience of the two candidates vying for a job with you. In most cases, you will judge the experiences that the two candidates present - if you would treat both candidates the same, that is ask both of them what their experience has been, then this is fair game.

2. Comparing the experiences and responsibilities of being legislators versus executives. Obama has every right to question Palin's experience as an executive - this does not mean that Palin's experience is less important than his, it only means that it is a worthy subject for debate.

3. Questions around judgment on balanced ground: same situation, what would one person or the other do?

4. Compare track records. This goes back to the question of experience - if you are an employer looking at two résumés, one of the first things you will do is look at someone's track record.

5. Concrete discussions of plans and strategies. The whole point of the election (theoretically) is to select someone who has the best platform and ideas for improving the country.

Of course, there are many other points to consider. Bias and prejudice will always be a challenge. It's always good to keep an open mind and be ready to think about different perspectives.

Are you aware of your own biases? Do you find yourself thinking of the candidates differently because of their race, gender, or age? Do you consider yourself to be prejudiced?

Can a Woman be a Great Spouse, Mother and Leader?

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:53:58 -0700

It's been fascinating to observe the strong responses going on in the media regarding Gov. Palin's VP candidacy. If anything, her nomination has inspired a very heated and opinionated debate - both from men and women. However, while many men have been properly instructed to be politically correct - and avoid being sexist - many women are the ones stereotyping women in powerful positions. The bottom line is: can a woman be a great spouse, a great mother, and a great leader?

Few people would ask this question about men. Women would jump at men's jugulars if they questioned whether or not a woman can do a good job while being a great mother and spouse. Men must be going: "YES!!!," seeing women in catfights. Touché.

Women can't have it both ways, though. If we truly believe we can do it all, finding fault in someone else won't help us make the point (i.e.: "If she had been home with the kids, her daughter wouldn't have become pregnant," "As a mother, why would she allow her pregnant child to be under the scrutiny of the media," or "With so many kids, she wouldn't have time to do anything else.") This highlights how much ambivalence both men and women have around women in power. This central point is what inspired me to write Alpha Female Leader. As an example, many women want to be considered to advance in their careers, but they also want to have time off to raise their kids. Many become upset when they are not hired for the promotion while their counterpart (man or woman) may have worked 20-30 additional hours a week. In Palin's case, she seems to have put the effort behind her actions and there also seems to be a backlash, even as she went back to work days after delivering her last child instead of taking months off.

Food for thought: Do you believe Senators Biden, Clinton, McCain, and Obama, have been great senators based on facts? Do you believe Governor Palin has been a great governor based on facts? Do you think men can be great spouses, fathers, and leaders? Do you think women can be great spouses, mothers, and leaders?

The New Alpha Female on The Block

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 20:51:44 -0700

Senator Obama gave a wonderful speech yesterday, one that would have been repeated on the news over and over again today. Motivating and inspiring, aspiring to reach Dr. Martin Luther King's dream, he left Democrats in awe.

Instead of remaining in the news for days, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's VP nomination stole the show today. While Michelle Obama was America's sweetheart until yesterday, Governor Palin became America's sweetheart today. The whole nation has searched and researched her information, ranging from politics to basketball, from personal achievements to beauty contests. But, most importantly, this talented woman seems to have done it all: playing hard ball in politics while raising a family of five children. Career women with families know how focused, committed, and strategic they must be when living up to superwoman: the amazing Alpha Female is proud leader of her pack.

While Obama's choice of a VP in Joe Biden was the closest replica of McCain he could find in experience, credibility, foreign affairs, and military record, the choice of Palin does not compare to Obama at all. Although Obama's campaign strategists were quick minimize Palin's track record as a governor, there is not much difference of time experience if you consider Obama's Senate experience and Palin's experience as a governor. However, for any of those who have had chief executive experience or understand it, nothing compares legislative responsibilities to making key decisions and executing them: there is a major difference when the buck ends with you. Governor Palin made various decisions for her state and got things done. In the meantime, she was also involved in taking care of her household, delivering a baby with special needs, and caring for her family and children. While many men are involved in the daily activities of their children, Senator Obama's arrangements included living in Washington D.C. while his wife worked and cared for his girls in Chicago. This presents a drastic difference in the overall level of political responsibility and ability to integrate work and family.

Do you think men and women in the workplace have different responsibilities at home? Do you believe it's equally easy for a man and a woman to hold office if they also have a family? Do you think women in top positions can be effective both in their careers as well as in their families?

Alpha Olympic Moms

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 11:02:36 -0700

What do Dara Torres, Lisa Leslie, Maria Valentina Vezzali, Xian Dongmei, and Lindsay Davenport have in common?

They are all mothers who happen to be Olympians - or is it Olympians who happen to be mothers? All of them were successful athletes prior to having a child and all of them talk about how being a mother is always in the back of their minds.

This ability to train hard with discipline, commitment, and focus as they continue to excel in their thirties and forties provides for a unique view of life. All of these women can concentrate on their sport and yet, the priority of their responsibility as a mother may come to mind in a split second. While some left their little ones back home while they compete in Beijing, others brought them with them as they juggled their competitions - often times against women half their age and single - with some mom and child quality time.

Many of these women have beaten their own record, aside from having participated in a span of five Olympics. Some of them had left their game and skipped some Olympics while under the impression they were too old to compete. Beating their own record from two decades earlier left many of us with a dropped jaw. All of these Olympians, though, knew they could continue to compete at the highest level and had the internal determination to do so.

Just like Leslie said after the US team won the gold in basketball, training at the professional level while raising a child is hard, and creating a plan to achieve your goals is essential. You may be able to achieve anything you want if you have the determination, discipline, and a great plan.

Do you believe it is possible to be both a great mother and spouse and have an outstanding career? Do you think cultural stereotypes prevent many women from integrating both family and career? Do you believe you may achieve anything you want if you are determined to do so?

Beating Records at 41: Why Not?

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:13:49 -0700

Dara Torres broke all stereotypical thinking over the weekend. At 41, she has the world in awe as she beat her own record from only a couple of decades earlier. . . Both men and women look up to her and wonder: she was 17 in her first Olympics and she's ready for the next, 24 years later. She first retired at 25 - she thought she was too old. She came back and retired again to have her baby. She kept swimming to the day she went into labor. Motherhood obviously keeps her busy and yet, Dara's determination to succeed and reach her goals is a powerful driving force.

Not that she's training now like she trained in her teens. Although she is obviously a genetically gifted athlete, her wins are not just a result of a good match of the laws of inheritance. Her success is a combination of powerful genetics, bull's eye focus, consistency in training, amazing will power, and adaptability to her training needs and physiologic changes. Many changes, including delivering a baby and being ready for the next meet a few weeks later. Dara has adapted to these changes and has also remained open to continuous feedback from her coach: she last worked on her starting technique as she realized it was too slow right before her last competition.

What are the lessons learned from this empowering story?

1) You may have been blessed with incredible abilities: physical, intellectual, or emotional capabilities.

2) Apply them consistently in everything you do. And yet, at the same time,

3) Even though you may be a pro and top notch at what you do, stay open to feedback and advice so as to beat your own record and continue to improve.

Alpha Females Under Tremendous Pressure

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:50:10 -0700

Would you feel like you'd still like to be president after you have just been liberated from six years of captivity? Ingrid Betancourt, dual citizen of France and Colombia, bravely said she wished to pursue the presidency when she was set free after a spectacular military operation in the jungles of Colombia.

What has kept this leader alive and hopeful in spite of being kidnapped, mistreated, tortured, ignored, and constantly frustrated by having no control over her life? The ability of self-motivation by using the thought of others including her children, her family, and loved ones left behind may have kept her spirit alive. And yet, being unable to take care of her needs, being hungry, thirsty, sleep deprived, and ill, completely vulnerable and dependent upon her captors' desire, is the unimaginable, ultimate test that anyone could be confronted with.

As Betancourt allows others to assist her in her recovery process, improving her physical, intellectual, and emotional health, this amazing Alpha Female will have much to share with the world in the years to come. The new perspectives she will bring to her family and career, re-discovering her now grown-kids as she missed their teenage years, rejoining her husband, family, friends, and political followers will be a magnificent picture I wouldn't dare miss.

Lessons Learned:

1) Resilience is a state of mind over matter. If she can still be hopeful after her ordeal, you can too!
2) Create strong relationships, as they will keep you alive in tough times. Really!
3) Maximize your health at all times. The only one who can keep you going is YOU! Allow others to help you if you need it.

Farewell to the Ultimate Alpha Female...For Now

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:36:34 -0700

Everyone wondered what Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton's farewell would sound like as she prepared to deliver her "exit" speech. Political commentators and democratic supporters of Senator Obama clearly labeled her an Alpha Fee Bee over not accepting her opponent's victory earlier in the week, as this would have meant her defeat. Expecting an "honorable" and traditionally "feminine" concession, most expected her to graciously accept her fate.

Instead, this Ultimate Alpha Fee planned an outstanding exit strategy, of which we can only see the tip of the iceberg and yet intuitively wonder about the iceberg beneath. A party of thousands at the National Building Museum in Washington DC (CNN News), her loyal followers continued to be inspired by the smart, thoughtful, and powerful grip of her situation. The first part of her speech conveyed the strong message that characterized her campaign. She was eloquent and passionate, strong and engaging.

She then conceded the race to Senator Obama. There was little passion in her endorsement, but a sense of duty and responsibility were obvious in her speech. Her voice became more monotonous, with fewer smiles and yet, her Alpha Fee nature prevailed as she endorsed her opponent and invited her supporters to endorse him too.

Although she urged her supporters to endorse Obama, make no mistake: this Ultimate Alpha Fee made it very clear that she is the leader of the eighteen million voters who have supported her and followed her over these months. She made it very clear that she will continue to embrace the values that guided her to lead as well as her desire to make sure these same values will survive beyond her personal losses or gains. One thing is granted, we can rest assured she won't cease to surprise us over the months to come.

The Ultimate Alpha Female: Never Give Up!

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Thu, 22 May 2008 13:46:34 -0700

Many of us wonder, why would Hillary Clinton continue to compete for what seems to be a lost cause? Ambition? Power? Or maybe a true desire to help others? Either way, her self-motivation scores are the highest: it is tough to go on when most of the people around you say the race is over.

As I watched Senator Clinton give her speech at the University of Miami yesterday, I reflected on her driven force to lead beyond others' harsh comments. It is tough to keep a smiling face when you feel ridiculed or when you just plainly feel ignored. It is extremely challenging to continue to pursue your dream while many others tell you that you have lost the game or while others tell you that you will be the cause of irreparable damage to your team.

Her positive characteristics were evident during her speech: the always assertive Alpha Female, she was clear and concise, thoughtful and pragmatic. Her thought process flowed with ease and her ability to organize her message was clear, as she addressed global and holistic issues and then narrowed them down with specifics. This is a strong characteristic that separates her from the other candidates. While her ability to motivate others in a room filled with fans was obvious, she avoided flirting with her followers with anything other than substance.

Food for thought: Why would a successful multimillionaire who could comfortably retire as she reaches sixty decide, instead, to invest in spite of debt and make herself available 24/7 in pursuit of the most stressful of jobs by becoming the leader of the greatest free nation?

Are you an Alpha Fee or an Alpha Fee Bee?

Dr. Gabriela Cora — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:11:04 -0700

Although women leaders struggle with being effective and yet show compassion, both men and women leaders alike may exert positive or negative attributes. Many say Alpha Females have a tendency to be self-serving and aggressive whereas, in fact, many female leaders will purposefully focus their energy in the "greater good." In my serious, yet humorous new book, Alpha Female, I address the modern description of positive female leaders and their negative counterparts, revealing transformational tips and strategies to assist in a positive makeover.

Alpha Fees are strong, positive leaders who enjoy being in charge, yet are great team-players and enjoy establishing win-win situations. They are ready for good challenges and appreciate them, and strive to win by doing their best. They mind their own business and have consistently advanced in their position of power. Their battles are fair: they win out of their own merit and not by throwing dirt on their opponent. Both men and women respect these Alphas, as they know they will always focus on the greater good rather than on any personal gain.

Alpha Fee Bees, instead, seem to be strong on the outside but they are weak on the inside. They are negative leaders who enjoy being in charge for fear of being in someone else's charge. Many Alpha Fee Bees believe they are good leaders and yet, they don't work well with others and boycott initiatives where others will shine, even if the initiative will benefit their organization. They are in a hurry to secure their position of power and would rather win alone than share the glory. These Alphas are insecure and anxious, and constantly worry of others taking their power. They are self-centered and constantly watch their back. They end up fulfilling their own prophecy: many will overpower them when they see the opportunity, as they may end up tired of dealing with the excessive toxicity these Alphas spread in the workplace.

How have you dealt with an Alpha Fee Bee boss? What has been helpful and what proved to be a lethal strategy? Would you like to share your battle wounds?

ABOUT GABRIELA CORA, MD, MBA

DR. GABY CORA is author of Alpha Female and Leading under Pressure. She's a medical doctor and board-certified psychiatrist and practices integrative psychiatry at the Florida Neuroscience Center. In addition to her doctorate degree, she has a master's in business administration and is a corporate consultant and wellness coach with the Executive Health & Wealth Institute.