The FBI wiretap which discovered Eliot Spitzer's phone calls to an escort service reveals a familiar syndrome: the arrogance of the alpha male. But the truly remarkable psychological profile is the one displayed by his dazed wife, Silda Spitzer, standing dutifully by his side.
Spitzer employed the same tone he always uses in public when he announced, without acknowledging his actual misdeeds, that "I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family." His concern for his wife was belied not only because he didn't mention her name, but by his failure to even glance at her.
As he left the stage, Spitzer shook hands and kissed supporters as though he was at a political rally. But Silda joined him in the glad handing, including a public smooch with her husband for the cameras!
Why do women put up with cheating by their powerful mates, and then assist them in political damage control? Is it in the nature of the deal they made when they married such a man? Or is it something about basic feminine psychology?
We finally are able to offer some insight into the process based on another secretly taped phone conversation. Imagine a phone call between Silda Spitzer and Wendy Vitter, whose husband, Louisiana Senator David Vitter, likewise was found on an escort service client list.
Wendy? This is Silda, Silda Spitzer. I know we haven't spoken before. But there was really no one else I could ask about what to wear at the press conference.
I know exactly what you mean. I anguished over my outfit up there. You want to remind people you are the good wife, but you don't want to look frumpy.
Yes! You can just hear people saying, "Did you see that hag? No wonder he was running around."
I wore a sleek sheath number - it was a little daring, if you know what I mean.
I was thinking of a suit, with a light knit top - and a nice pearl necklace.
You want to get the "What's his problem - look what he has at home" reaction.
Exactly. I mean, what IS his problem?
Oh, you know men. Especially those moral crusaders.
That's the worst part - did you hear how Eliot condemned that prostitution ring he prosecuted in Staten Island?
David was always giving out these pronouncements about how marriage was the most important social institution in human history.
Did you cry? I don't want to look washed out and pathetic up there.
Never in public! I wouldn't give those Democrats the satisfaction - oh, sorry.
I don't know how to bring this up - but how long was it before you, you know? I don't want to deny him too long. I worry that was the reason he. . . .
Don't think that way - they count on that!
Oh, I feel so much better after talking to someone who's survived this ordeal.
Well, there's always someone worse off out there.
Exactly! I mean, think about Larry Craig's wife!
We shall see if Silda Spitzer falls in the group of women who find their marriages to powerful men sufficiently rewarding to overlook - and to assist - their husbands' very public indiscretions. Somehow, this attitude has persisted into an era when women might seem to have been liberated from such obligations.
But we may always wonder what is on the stand-by-their-men wives' minds.
Loretta Lynn
As LL put it,
"After all, he's just a man ..."
Hi Stanton... your closing
Hi Stanton...
your closing thought: "But we may always wonder what is on the stand-by-their-men wives' minds."
Dostoevsky, I think, once said: "when you love somebody, you share their fate..."
image-management or loving/all-embracing/compassionate acceptance/forgiveness of partner's imperfections?
Pavel
cute post
Let's consider: Public humiliation becomes "the damned if she does and damned if she doesn't leave him" tie that binds. In a less high-profile relationship, say your neighbors' marriage, an affair isn't some huge scandal. It's an ugly fact of marriage that happens more frequently than any of us care to admit. (Incidentally, I don't think it's very democratic of Americans to demand our elected officials-"of the people"-to abide by a critical higher moral standard than we ourselves.) Be that as it may, in the relationship-next-door, an affair (especially a short fling ilke a rump with a call girl) isn't usually cause for a divorce. It's a skeleton in the family's collective closet. Who are we to consider Silda and other political wives anomalies? The differing factor is the amount of people who know what went on. So, does that mean that a marriage should end according to how many people know of the wrong you've done or according to actual wrong-doing? After considering that, how many marriages should be roadkill right now if we were really as moral as we like to pretend to be?
Totally agree with that,
Totally agree with that, look at what happened with Bill and Hillary Clinton. They relate a private matter that really has nothing to do with their jobs to interfere with all the good work they have done. Bill Clinton's presidency almost became destroyed due to a skeleton in the closet, and his wife is still facing the fire for the illicit affair that had happened. She and the other wives eventually would have to have a sense of humor about it (or at least of it being of the past), or their lives would be miserable since they're facing the constant reminders of the American public everyday. Of course these leaders are expected to make an example of the American people, but what better way than to admit their mistakes and try to move on with their careers, not to mention their family lives? It took much bravery for these wives to stand by their husbands in front of all those people even though there are other factors involved. If more married people took the time to forgive mistakes from their spouses, perhaps there'd be a lower divorce rate.
What Attracts?
I don't think we can ignore the fact that differences exist between what attracts men and women to each other. Initial attraction is the thing that first sparks a relationship an even when the relationship becomes deeper and more developed, that initial attraction is never forgotten. Some women like men in positions of power. I personally don't get it, but you see it all of the time. If that attraction is a big reason for entering into a marriage people will likely work hard to protect it. Perhaps Silda Spitzer would have a harder time sticking it out if her husband had arbitrarily decided to quit his powerful job and become a reclusive novelist? Fidelity is usually desirable, but who is to say it is a necessity for marital success? The Spitzer marriage was built on it's own unique foundation. Apparently that foundation is still enough in-tact to continue on.
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