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David Elkind
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Too Young to Be Sexy?

By David Elkind, Ph.D. on May 01, 2008 in Digital Children

In their book So Sexy So Soon, Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne document the many ways in which young children in our society are being sexualized by the media. In their language, clothing styles, and actions even young children are aping their TV and music idols. The furor over the sexy photos of Miley Cyrus, star of the Disney Hannah/Montana show and role model for the 5- to 12-year-old girl contingent is a case in point. The author's argue that young children are learning sexual behavior, sexualization, before they understand true sexuality and sexual relationships. This leads to distorted attitudes both towards themselves and the opposite sex and can have long term consequences for later healthy sexual adjustment. Levin and Kilbourne offer parents many helpful suggestions and strategies for minimizing the damage to their children from too early sexualization.

It does not take away from the value and usefulness of this book to point out that there is another contributor to early sexualization over and above the media. More of our young children are in child care than ever before. More than 80 percent of our young children are non parental care part or full time. What this means is that children are being socialized to age mates earlier than ever before. With two-year-olds in a child-care center, one can already observe patterns of social hierarchy, leadership and follower ship. As a consequence children are being introduced to peer pressure, and the need to conform and compete, at ever earlier ages. Even 4-year-olds now show concern over the logos on their sneakers, jeans and shirts.

This preschool peer socialization appears in other ways as well. Many of the behaviors we once saw among older children, such as relationship bullying (social exclusion) are now appearing at ever earlier ages. While such socialization need not be bad and could have strong benefits for cooperative efforts, this does not seem to be the way this development is moving. In any case I think we have to appreciate that it is the early socialization of so many of our contemporary young children which makes them particularly susceptible to media exploitation. Even young children now feel that have to idolize and imitate the current teen stars in order to be accepted by their peers.

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Comments

APA task force report

Submitted by Michael J. Formica on May 1, 2008 - 12:45pm.

David:

Great article. Your readers may be interested in the APA Task Force report on the sexualization of young girls in American society. A PDF can be found here:

http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualizationrep.pdf

Blessings,
Michael

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Sad but True

Submitted by Anonymous on May 1, 2008 - 12:48pm.

Often, parents get plenty of feedback on which direction to finger the blame when children behave inappropriately. I think a firm reminder that damage control starts with a me-first attitude is in order.

I'm a parent of toddlers, a former teen bent on rebellion, and hopefully not considered the type of person to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude. So, when I say "Approach Parenting with a Me-first Attitude," I acknowledge that you can't be all places at all times with your kids. Case in point, shortly after beginning daycare, my two year old demonstrated how grown-ups kiss with her Barbie Doll. Needless to say, I was mortified. I knew she hadn't learned such behavior in the home, as I'm vigilant about what my children watch, who they are around, and all the other biggies.

I felt like I was in a hole with no way to get out because my children had to go to daycare, but I didn't want them exposed to the wrong influences. What I did was have a conference with the childcare providers and explain in no uncertain terms what type of environment my children were allowed to be in. If nothing else, this conversation served to show their teachers that I was a concerned parent. (Unfortunately, too often teachers and others who provide childcare see a trend of defensive parents, unconcerned parents, and disbelieving parents when students perform poorly.)

Outside of the school setting, I try hard to reinforce through communication and by example what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. When my son asks me about bad guys and superheroes who fight when I clearly don't want him fighting, I try hard to mark the lines of what is "real" versus what is "just pretend." To demonstrate, we often do mock battles with me being the bad guy and him being Spiderman or some other superhero.

My point is, don't assume your children (even very young children) can't conceptualize the adult themes that they emulate. Consider ways to communicate why an action is inappropriate and work out scenarios (role-play) in order to strengthen positive reactions (i.e. how to react to bullying situations, what is appropriate interaction between different sexes, how to communicate with authority figures, etc.) In the long run, you cannot shelter your child from all the bad guys when there are ao many questionable characters in their every day lives. It helps to equip your family with social reinforcements through communication and role-playing, because ultimately parents are most responsible for the impressionable minds of their children.

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Daycare Reality

Submitted by Becky on May 1, 2008 - 1:51pm.

As a former daycare worker I agree with the previous comment. Parents are the ones who ultimately shape thier children's belief patterns. Although a daycare can work with parents in promoting positive socialization, parents must realize that daycare won't be able to fufill every parental wish. I remember getting yelled at by a parent because on one occassion when she came to pick up her one year old son he had crawled off into the corner to play with some toys while two other children were being read a book. Instead of going to retrieve him, I allowed him to play with the toys and continued reading to the other interested children. She saw this as negleting her son. I was upset by this accusation. If you want lots of individual attention for your child, a group setting is not appropriate. Parents who understood the realities of daycare and made more realistic requests were a pleaure to work with and generally seemed to have better behaved kids. Also a word to anyone considering daycare; Chances are your child will bite or get bit. It's just a fact and it happens in every daycare no matter how well run. Finally, parents should be aware of biased expectations they may unknowingly have. For example, parents seem to expect some sibling rivalry. When Johnny hits his brother he is reprimanded but life goes on but when an un-related child hits thier child at daycare this is somehow viewed with panic. These kids spend all day together. They might as well be siblings.