This blog is devoted to exploring the not particularly admirable, though well-nigh universal, aspects of human personality—particularly as they relate to various psychological defenses. At the same time, it aims to suggest ways of personally evolving beyond these normal (but negative) tendencies.
To provide some examples, in this blog I’ll be examining the all-too-common inclinations:
• To avoid tackling things that feel threatening (vs. confronting our anxieties head-on and taking action);
• To react passive-aggressively toward others (vs. attempting to overcome our fears and directly express our grievances);
• To get angry with people who provoke us (vs. frankly admitting our vulnerability toward them);
• To attack others, thereby eliciting their defenses (vs. tactfully supplying them with feedback that could increase their sensitivity to our needs);
• To strive narcissistically to invalidate others—in order to “prove” our superiority (vs. learning how to simply accept ourselves as we are);
• To project onto others what we cannot accept in ourselves (rather than confronting in ourselves what we may need to change);
• To feel resentment and seek revenge against those who hurt us (vs. endeavoring to forgive them—and, so “disentangled,” move on with our lives);
• To take the line of least resistance (vs. facing the obstacles that need to be addressed if we’re ever to reach our full potential); and
• To seek validation through pursuing others’ approval (vs. embarking on the challenging path to self-validation).
The above tendencies mostly represent defenses we have against experiencing such distressful feelings as embarrassment, anxiety, guilt, rejection, humiliation and shame. As such, I have absolutely no interest in condemning them. For while such ways of protecting the self from emotional disturbance are hardly laudatory, they’re certainly understandable—and worthy of our compassion. We may not exactly be able to respect these ultimately self-defeating behaviors, but we should at least be able to sympathize with them.
None of what I’m discussing is meant to imply that all my posts will fit within some neat, dichotomous framework. Other ideas that I have about human nature and personality are less easily categorized. Take, for example, the dynamics behind other familiar dispositions—such as laziness, self-sabotage, ambivalence, addictions, inconsiderateness (or even immorality), and controlling or dominating others. Each of these tendencies can be more variable (or convoluted) than the widespread inclinations already mentioned. Regardless of which specific topic I cover, however, all my posts will attempt to shed light on how we humans are unfortunately so constructed that we’re typically our own worst enemy. The obstacles that so frequently hold us back are ultimately of our own making, and we have little (or no) awareness of just how we handicap ourselves.
But the final goal of my posts will not simply be to illuminate many of the difficult obstacles to change we all face. Rather, it will be to suggest how we may evolve beyond these defenses—typically originating in childhood—so we can achieve the fuller, more fulfilling expression of our true (vs. “adaptive”) personality. Fundamentally, we need to learn how to become our own best friend. For in the end, none of us will ever have a relationship anywhere as important as the one we’re able to establish with ourselves.
