The Stigma of Therapy: I Don't Need a Psychologist, I'm Not Crazy

Dana Gionta, Ph.D. — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:24:17 -0700

Just when I think significant progress is being made toward increasing the acceptance and positive perception of counseling, something will occur to lead me to question that.

The latest occurrence was a recent interaction I had at a bank. Upon seeing my checks made out to Dr. Gionta, I was asked by the bank teller "What kind of doctor are you?" I'm a psychologist, I said. He then asked, "A clinical psychologist?" I said yes, then, "You must deal with a lot of crazy people." This both amused and somewhat surprised me. I then paused and carefully thought about how I was going to answer this, without adding to his already unfortunate stereotypical view of the profession. I said "well, actually, I work most often with people dealing with difficult life transitions, like divorce, health challenges, relocation, work stress, and family/parenting issues." "So, where is your practice located?" he asked. "Branford, CT, I said." At this point, he appeared to lower his voice and half whisper something to me. I believe he was trying to find out how much I charged? I couldn't make it out, and out of the corner of my eye noticed the other bank teller starting to look curiously at him and our exchange. I found this quite amusing...like something out of a sitcom. He finally asked, as the banking transaction was nearing the end, "Do you have a business card?" I gave him my card, thanked him for his help, and walked away, wondering where and when my next encounter with the "Stigma" would be.

Over the years, I've heard many creative names for therapy, quite reflective of the various stigmas. Some of my favorites are hocus pocus, mental brainwashing, and headshrinking. Now hocus pocus sounds kind of fun, perhaps because of its magical association. Unfortunately, to this day, the realm of therapy or counseling still remains quite mysterious to most people, somewhat like a magic trick. What really happens in that room? What do they do? Will I still be myself when I leave. If I go to a therapist, does that mean I'm crazy, weak or a failure? What will others think? What if I'm seen coming out of that kind of office? Such concerns are quite natural given our socio-cultural conditioning. Unfortunately, as a result, many people decide not to pursue counseling despite experiencing significant emotional, physical or mental distress.

Let's clarify a few things. Most people who initiate counseling do not have a serious mental illness. They have serious life challenges or are going through difficult life-cycle transitions that may be taxing their current ability to cope. This, in turn, may be adversely affecting their well-being and ability to function as well as they would like. Examples of serious life challenges can be dealing with chronic work-related stressors; career issues; financial problems; health issues or a recent health diagnosis; family or parent/child conflict; cultural assimilation; and academic issues. Examples of difficult life-cycle related transitions can be the death of a family member or friend; the ending of a romantic relationship or close friendship; family/couple changes related to the addition of a child; getting married or divorced; caregiving for loved ones due to illness or disability; and decision-making challenges related to these life choices.

These are just some of the reasons why people decide to go to counseling. So, if you are going through one or more of these challenges at the same time, you're not alone. The effects are often cumulative, which is generally referred to as a 'pile-up' of stressors. Counseling during these times can be quite helpful in providing both the support and skills to better address these life challenges. Ultimately, it is an invaluable investment in your emotional, physical and mental health, an act of courage not weakness, and a gift to those whose lives you touch.

If you'd like to learn more about what counseling options are available through your employer, contact your company's Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or Human Resources Department. You can also use the Psychology Today therapist finder to locate a psychologist near you.

What can flowers teach us about boundaries?

Dana Gionta, Ph.D. — Sun, 18 May 2008 19:27:15 -0700

Today I bumped into an acquaintance I'm quite fond of, who was holding a bouquet of flowers. Of course, I shared how beautiful they were, and I quickly noticed a tinge of discomfort. She mentioned they were from her somewhat recent ex-boyfriend with whom she was dating for 2+years. It appears that he continues to send her flowers quite often, despite her repeated requests that he stop. They are a painful reminder of the relationship that needed to end, the temporary loss of a dream, and the tainting association of something usually quite joy-provoking. While we were talking, many others passed and commented on the flowers, thinking how lucky, fortunate or how much joy she's receiving from them.

However, at times, reality hits hard. Many times, whether within a relationship, or upon its ending, being clear, honest and forthcoming about one's needs and expectations to one's partner, can be extraordinarily challenging. It takes courage, sometimes tremendous courage. I gently inquired if she indicated her discomfort to her ex, and repeated her request for him to cease and desist, this time more firmly. She hadn't, for many reasons - I suspect guilt about being the "terminator," fear of hurting him further, minimizing to herself (her own feelings) how much seeing those flowers (every 2 weeks) truly distressed her.

When it comes to setting boundaries with others, there are often many dragons to slay to get up the moxy, hutspa, garbanzos - to do it. I suggested she contact the florist, explain the situation, and ask them to discontinue all future flower deliveries by this sender. She appeared wide-eyed, with a mixed look of surprise and relief, and then, why not? I thought, "you go girl, set those boundaries" and said good-bye.

A workplace example of this is a co-worker or family member who repeatedly interrupts you throughout the day with questions or to just chat. While recently attending a professional conference, a colleague shared an uncanny story about just this. A co-worker was planning her wedding, and for 6 months, family members and the wedding planner inundated her with calls. This resulted in a gradual, but significant decline in her performance with a probationary consequence. One effective strategy to address this is to give family members and others a specific day(s)/time(s) during which they can call. Any other time, you are unavailable, and will not answer the phone. After 2-3 weeks of consistently responding only during set times, the unintentionally distracting phone calls will stop.

As a psychologist, I often work with individuals to identify and set clear and firm boundaries at home, at work, and with themselves. It isn't easy, but the rewards are incredible - increased energy, self and other-respect, greater time for oneself, and an age-defying benefit- looking years (often 5-10) younger. I never would have believed it, until I saw for myself. Yes, good nutrition and exercise are very important and help us defer the visible signs of aging. However, don't' underestimate the transformative power of good, consistent relationship boundaries - it'll do wonders for your complexion, not to mention your overall quality of life. Experiment, have fun with it, take a risk, and set a boundary today, then watch closely and see what happens.

Psychology Today Blogs - Occupational Hazards

The Stigma of Therapy: I Don't Need a Psychologist, I'm Not Crazy

What can flowers teach us about boundaries?