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Redefining Depression and Anxiety for "Real" Help

Have you ever been in the frustrating situation where you couldn't remember the name of one of your own family members and it is due to stress? Have you been confused at your inability to find simple solutions for an everyday problem? Some days, are you just overwhelmed with too many tasks and feel you're losing control? Do you sometimes wonder if your brain is slipping away? Are you still experiencing conflict in a personal relationship you had years ago, perhaps with a parent who still interferes with your life? Are you at odds with your wife, husband or child because you can't resolve issues that frankly, are really minor when you think about them objectively? Are you bored and feeling trapped in a life without real happiness? Are you getting in your own way because of the negative thoughts you tell yourself?

If any of these descriptions fit you, you may be suffering from the downward spiral of Stress Storms. You know you're in a Stress Storm when you can't rationally talk yourself through a situation that you know is irrational. For example, you know (in reality) that your family will be perfectly fine on a trip or excursion, but your mind nevertheless keeps swirling into images of fear and feelings of desperation and maybe even panic. You can't stop thinking that the plane is going to crash. Or perhaps you find yourself falling into a depression and being stuck there in a sinkhole of despair, but there's no logical reason as to why you're feeling that way. In fact, you may have even just accomplished something great, but the next morning you don't want to get out of bed because you're so down. Maybe, you return to your house 20 times because you're afraid you left the door unlocked. These are signs and symptoms that your brain is deadlocked into a cycle you feel you have no control over-these are stress storms.

Stress storms throw us into the same state of confusion and imbalance as the brain signals go into a spin. In fact, as a result of technological advances, we can now literally "see" this happening on a brain scan. For example, some scans look like two cyclones churning on each side of the brain. That phenomenon is seen when someone is having difficulty letting go of an idea that has no workable solution-similar to the obsessive-compulsive example above of returning to the house 20 times to make sure the door was locked.

When the mind loses its sense of stability and falls over the edge, there's the dangerous possibility of catalyzing a cascade of life-damaging choices that may lead to a profoundly deteriorated life. These types of debilitating brain storms come from excruciating levels of fear and confusion. In this type of situation, the person is literally not thinking straight. In extreme cases, I've seen people who've had these types of brain storms go from being a successful executive to homeless in a matter of months. One minute everything seems great, and the next, you discover your spouse is having an affair; which leads to family turmoil, friendships are crushed, job performance tanks, the mortgage can't be met, you get arrested for DUI...you get the idea. Without a fully functioning mindset, the results can be devastating. And it can happen to anyone.

Stress can swallow people whole as a consequence of many events: you lose someone you love to death or a misunderstanding; you lose your job or even your identity through theft or a simple mistake in the administration office; you enter into a marriage, but all too quickly discover you're married to an abuser, and you lose faith in yourself. The list goes on. But the critical issue is not the event of stress that results in stress storms, but rather getting stuck, the inability of one's mind to get past the storms and become stronger.

When brain storms happen, the brain shifts into a state of disassociation for its own protection from pain or disorientation. And without a plan of restoration, the connecting points in your brain where messages - in the form of chemical signals - are passed along and begin to reform into negative circles of thinking. That makes getting your world into perspective a Herculean task. You may become paranoid concerning your friends and family; you may feel isolated from support; and, you may feel hopeless and resign yourself to a barren life. Further, your brain may stop processing new information and regress into a solitary state of survivor-mode, which erodes your self-esteem and confidence. Of particular note, drug and alcohol abuse makes brain storms far worse, as they chemically disrupt and distort both your brain's outgoing and incoming messages.

New Hope for Changing Your Life NOW

But the way we can be helped is all changing-and in a big way. A veritable revolution is taking place that is transforming the mental health field. Although some of the more dazzling technology is still on the horizon, there is enough information accessible today that no one should feel they are stuck in a life they are unhappy with.

To be blunt, the whole definitions of anxiety and depression are being re-defined in brain language. As I go into greater detail in my upcoming book, The Stress Answer, the new brain maps give signature readings for these disorders and with a map you can go about training your brain out of these traps. For example, did you know that the signature for bipolar disorder may be more of an inflammation of the brain tissue than a derangement of emotions? Did you know that Lithium, the mineral found to be most effective for this disorder is actually an immunity enhancer than psychotropic mood leveler? For the first time, we can get to the real cause-and-affect levels of these mental walls.

These advances do not necessary negate medication or psychotherapy, but it does put them in a plan where they can be used most strategically and with more specific objectives. The exciting steps are not what I can do for you in these amazing discoveries, but what you can do for yourself. And there is more. The remedies can be as old as ancient folk medicine and how humankind used music and ritual, and are based on true science of the brain down to the cellular level.

One of the greatest breakthroughs in understanding how the brain works has emerged with the advent of a concept called brain plasticity (also called neuroplasticity). This field of research has demonstrated that (contrary to popular belief), your brain is not permanently hard-wired, but rather, is able to physically, chemically and anatomically change in response to your thoughts, experiences and behaviors throughout your lifetime. That's powerful information. This suggests that we can alter - and therefore potentially heal - our brain by directing the organization of stress thoughts (e.g. through mental training) in a step-by-step method.

Training Your Brain to Cope with Anxiety: Some Coaching

One of the basic principles of brain plasticity is that nerve cells that are associated with thoughts as well as behavioral activities tend to cluster around thinking habits. That is one of the reasons getting into stress storms are so difficult to stop. The more you get into an anxiety stress storm, the more nerve cells get into the action and create a "mob" consciousness in your brain.

How do you turn the herd into another thought process? How do you bring order into chaos? In my book, I offer many ways, but one of the basic ways is to use the oldest of remedies - music. A slower rhythm will turn the high-frequencies of anxiety in the brain in an entrainment within ten minutes. Keep your favorite music selections at hand to start unpeeling the neuron flood with your iPod or CD player.

The second brain plasticity principle is that neurological bundles of thought neurons are reactive to immediate experience and need. So how do you do that when you are so anxious you can't think straight? What can do, as a brief example, is to deliberately change your thought habits to stress cues. Like Scarlett O'Hara said as her method of dealing with impending stress, "I will worry about that tomorrow," we can teach our brains other alternative ways of dealing with anxiety and the fear of subsequent disasters by "worrying about it tomorrow."

The third principle of brain plasticity is that in order for the storms to stop, the thought pattern of neuron firing has to stop, at least briefly. This can be done by skillful distraction techniques, including yelling "stop!" in the midst of the storm. Getting someone you respect as an authoritative person can be recruited by you to take the responsibility to call a halt to your brain pattern. Many other approaches work as well, but you can find a traffic cop or technique to call "time out," and get yourself out of the storm for control.

The final principle I want to introduce in this blog is that all brain patterns have to be reinforced. If you don't create a celebration for a new process for your brain, it will go back to the beginning and you will have to do it again. Any new brain has to be celebrated if you are going to keep it. That is just the law of the brain, so when you find a better pattern to use for your anxiety management, immediately find a way to keep it. Reward yourself by singing and dancing (literally), sharing it with others or any other way you need to in order to create more neurons to this new site.

I hope you're beginning to see how truly remarkable brain scans can be as tools for identifying the stress dynamics in the brain. And more importantly, I hope you're beginning to see that you absolutely have the power to improve how you function, feel and live from day to day.

 

Comments

I think such techniques can

I think such techniques can be useful in low grade anxiety and low grade depression.If your also talking about OCD and moderate to high levels of depression this all becomes useless chatter. Don't forget your asking depressives who are defined as delusional to reflect on faulty emotions to help themselves and that's just silly talk.


Brain plasticity and depression

This is exactly what I was talking about in terms of how our brain storms are habitual. Without reading the book and seeing only this blog, you set your brain in motion resistant to change. That is the trap of the brain storms.


Brain Storm

I have been trying to figure this thing out with my mother in law. She lost her husband 3 years ago, a couple of years ago I found out she's been having an affair for over 10 years. The guy she's been having this affair with is also married. He refuses to leave his wife for monetary reasons, and these two continue on seeing each other. Now, my mother in law has a boyfriend, and he's suppose to play along with the whole idea thing. This weekend we all went to a lake, the new boyfriend went along, only to find out that they were going to the married boyfriend's lot to go boating and fishing. I did not justify this get together by sticking around. My husband seems to be ok with it because it's his mother.I am suppose to be nice, and keep my mouth shut. If there is anything I'm doing wrong or any kind of advice that would help me deal with this messed up situation, please help me. This isn't the only thing that has happened.


thanks

very interesting article


stress management tips and techniques

stress is the condition which makes a man physically and mentally sick.so it should be avoided.sometimes brain is also affected by stress. Stress is a normal physiological response of the body to hostile environment.
yoga helps a lot in reducing any type of stress.it's very useful for the people to reduce their stress in unfavorable conditions.The food which we will take also have its effect to maximize stress.so it is checked.
meditation is also one of the best way to get rid of it.Normally business people undergo more stress when compared with a normal man.so it's better to drive it away.Stress can affect children, adolescents and adults. Though the stress factor may be different in different age groups, the outcome is more or less the same
i think this is beneficial for the people to have relief from stress.Thank you.........


Education on this matter is becoming more imparitive

How General Anxiety Disorder and Depression Ruined My Life and Relationship One Girls Story

I was always one of those girls who had life “figured out”. I was strong willed, and ambitious, ready to take on anything that came my way. Soon after I became 18 came the “black hole” to take everything away from me before I could realize what was going on.

So many people are unaware of GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), also known as chronic worriers, and most are unaware of its dangerous effects. From what I have seen friends, family and acquaintances tend to judge me as either unable to control my life, or unable to control myself. This fact alone leaves millions of people feeling alone, tense, and/or restless, worn out, irritable, and unable to concentrate on everyday tasks. These symptoms are very rarely controllable without medication, much like having depression, or a birth defect. It’s a disease many would rather live without, but don’t have that choice.

I was 16 years old, ready to live my own life, tired of the “drama” of my home life. I wanted a fresh start to become a woman, and leave my mothers shadow behind. My mother was a severely depressed woman, always worrying, but never about the right things. She isolated herself from the outside world, which put so much stress on the household, and people surrounding my mother. I wanted something different. I wanted a family that wasn’t “crazy”. When I was 16 I met a man that was an incredible man. He gave me the love and affection I desired, and I was still able to be myself, and live out my dreams, without feeling the impact of her depression, and craziness. At age 17, I became pregnant, which to me was a wonderful gift from God. This pushed me to work harder. I graduated high school 1 ½ years early, graduating with the class ahead of me. From there, I began college, working full time, and raising my son. I thought I was on the right path, and my goals were slowly completing. Soon my son’s father became very insecure of our relationship, constantly telling me there was something wrong with me, and that I needed help and I needed to grow up. Now, having depression, and GAD in my family heritage, I decided that I needed to understand everything before making any actions. So with this “something” that was wrong with me, I decided to do some research, learn more about what he was insinuating, and this would fix everything and make me a better person; or so I thought. Over the years I learned that I did this (over-thinking and over-analyzing) with a lot of things… basically everything. I turned into being an “over-thinker”. At first it felt like a good thing, meaning I was bound to make fewer mistakes in life, and the mistakes that I did make, I could easily correct and learn from; or so I thought. I found myself being extremely independent at this point, knowing what I wanted, what I wanted for my son, for myself, for my family. My son’s father didn’t like what he saw in me, so after 5 years of being together he left; left the apartment, everything in it, and all the bills that came with it. This was a huge blow to my self esteem, to my integrity. What was wrong with me? Why would someone do this to anyone?

I spent months drinking in a bar, avoiding the pains of life because dealing with them meant so much pain and suffering, and the reality that I may get the answer I have been most dreading; I am turning into my mother! Then I talked to one of my good friends at the time, and they said to me, “Avoiding life’s problems is like putting a band-aid on a gash that needs stitches, your only making things worse for yourself.” This person gave me the courage, and the self-esteem I needed to begin to get out of my current life situation. But the question still remained, how?

My first step to bettering my life was to cut way down on my drinking, but I was still going out to connect with the outside world so that I am not withdrawn from society, like my mother was. I was being evicted from the apartment that my son’s father and I shared, and I had lost my job due to my drinking. I was going no-where fast, but I had goals. I began to think about my goals; going back to school to finish my degree, to get my career started instead of working low-end jobs, save my money to get a car, and to get my son into a home where he could feel safe and happy. It was a long road ahead of me. And I knew, for the first time, I had to do it all by myself. It was truly a scary place to be when you’re a 21 year old single mother.

One night when I was out to the bar socializing, I was being watched by this gorgeous man, blonde hair, blue eyes, amazing smile. He almost seemed too good to be true! He intentionally bumped into me in the billiard room, and handed me his phone. “Can I have your number?” he said with a confident smile, as he continued to play pool. I think Cupids arrow practically knocked me on my ars. I was scared, excited, cautious, yet, curious. Was this man just looking for a “booty call” like most of the men that generally attend bars picking up women? I knew that was certainly not what I needed… but he seemed different… genuine. I took the chance. It turned out that he shared similar feelings, having just come out of a relationship with his son’s mother, in a situation to where he had walked in on her with another man. Because of those circumstances we decided to take things slow, being friends first and foremost. We were the kind of people that could talk for hours on end, even when we weren’t together we were text messaging each other or calling each other on our breaks. I easily opened up to with him about my feelings, and my life situation, more-so than anyone else in my life. I felt I could confide in him with my life. Within 2 months he had met my son, and I had met his, which was a big deal to both of us because children are easily confused with different figures in their lives. Things were going well between us, but I was constantly worried about my own situation, and how I was probably going to have to put the relationship on hold due to the fact that I needed to get my “life together” separate from my love life. He declined to the break-up, and for the first time in my life, someone wanted to help me through my crisis because they believed in me, and he knew we could do it together. This was my first real taste of a family life, give and take. We moved in together after only 4 months of dating. We said to take it slow but it seemed we were glued to each other. This had taken the initial problem out of the equation, but I no longer felt I had control of my own life. I had spoken to many people, seeking advice. The people that I had spoken to told me that this was the way healthy families operated, and that I should be entirely grateful, which I was. I wanted to help the man who had embraced me, and helped me, in return. But I soon would learn this was a more difficult task that I had ever imagined.

So we don’t get confused we shall call this man, Luke. Luke was an extremely successful man, with his priorities seemingly in place. He is an extraordinary father, always putting his son before himself. His family is also well-to-do. His parents own their own successful business, they own a half of a million dollar home, and in general were successful figures of society. This intimidated me, especially since I grew up with next to nothing, and my parents are no where near as established as these people are! How could I ever live up to their expectations? And what if Luke’s expectations are alike those of his parents? (I was being insecure, tense, irritable, and restless). We would visit his parents seemingly every weekend, and every weekend I would feel more and more out of place. I felt like they never attempted to embrace either my son or I. I tried talking to Luke about this, but he became frustrated and told me that I had something against his family, and he felt that I was trying to tear him away from his family. Of course that is defiantly not what I wanted, I just found it bizarre that he was 31 years old, and driving 1 hour every weekend to see his parents, who in my mind never had time for any of us as it was. I again began to over think the situation. I addressed to Luke that usually people visit their families to spend time with them, not to be ghost guests in their homes, and that it would feel entirely more easing if they were to spend time with us. Luke talked to his parents, and they declined the gesture. At once I felt that they hated me, I didn’t know how to impress them, or show them I was worthy of their son. According to Luke they felt that I was a control freak and that I didn’t allow Luke enough space; and worst of all, they felt that I was only with him for his money (which happens to be $35,000.00 a year more than I make). I was completely insulted! How could somebody be so shallow to remark such a thing? We began visiting Luke’s parents less and less.

For my son’s 4th birthday, and for the matter of us wanting to take a vacation, we went to Orlando, Florida for 8 days. It was an incredible opportunity for all of us seeing as how not one of us had been to Florida before. It was the most care free vacation I had ever had in my life! On our last day in Florida we were having dinner at Planet Hollywood, when Luke said to me “I asked your son for permission to marry you, and he declined, I don’t know what to do!?” I said to him, if my son isn’t ready, then all we do is wait, as long as we are together. I was overwhelmed with happiness that he was proposing marriage after everything we had been through! But then I began to remember what my father told me “if you are ever going to get married you need to know how to take care of your man”, and I had never had to take care of anybody but myself and my son. So I began reading articles, and books about family life. I wanted to make sure I did everything perfect! This was everything I had ever wanted in life! A man that respected me, understood me, and someone I was able to grow with; a family at last.

That came to a quick end, when I found out that Luke was having an affair on me for the last 4 months. But why would he have an affair on me? We had a house, we both had great jobs, me an assistant manager, and our children were doing so well, thinking they are brothers… Why would he cheat on me? When I first found out I was devastated, acting completely irrational, not knowing what was true and what was a lie, how could I trust him? He had been doing this for months and I never had a clue! I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and worst of all I didn’t understand any of it; and for me, I have to understand anything to be able to get over it. I do believe this also plays a role in GAD. I couldn’t focus at work; I was constantly in need of knowing where he was at all times, unsure of myself, and my judgment. I truly felt I was going crazy. So I bought a book titled “After the Affair, healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner had been unfaithful”, by Janis Abrahms Spring, PH.D., with Michael Spring. This took a good 2 months of my time, talking with Luke, listening to his reasoning’s, and affiliating what I had learned from the book thinking that if I understood the reasoning behind it, we could demolish the problem and construct a much sturdier foundation. I found this extremely difficult because Luke felt that he had dealt with enough of this “situation” and wanted to just forget it, and felt burdened that I needed closure with the situation to having grounds for a fresh start in our relationship. I felt more added pressure, saying “why shouldn’t he be apart of this seeing as how he was the mistake maker?” At this point he told me that I was crazy, and that I needed to learn a lot in life. It was my fault that he cheated on me because I was always flirting and talking to people of the opposite sex, and creating a world of drama that he didn’t want his son around! I was mortified. How could this man who once so assuringly wanted to marry me, and now tells me that I am a mistake and not what he wants in life? Something is wrong with me!! So again, while he was off golfing, I began analyzing everything in the relationship, my part, his part, our parts, mistakes made, how things could have been done differently, and in general how I could “fix the relationship”.

Some people ask me why fixing this relationship means so much to me. They think I am absolutely crazy to even put myself through the amount of stress and pain that comes from Luke’s words and actions, and how ridiculous I look clinging to him instead of walking away, and in some people’s words “focusing on myself and my son”. In my heart I am focusing on myself, my son, and my relationship. Dealing with the stress of this relationship that was falling apart was no different than dealing with my mother falling apart while I was growing up. In my mind, the love that Luke and I shared was a once in a lifetime love, and that in many ways we were alike, and shared alike self problems, such as insecurity, and always putting other people before ourselves. I looked at this as a learning opportunity and room for growth and change as one, but it’s hard to become one when the other person is constantly “unsure” of the relationship getting better. Luke’s favorite line is, “the relationship is tainted, and there is no fixing it”. I did the one thing I knew I could do to make the situation better at the time; I suggested living apart but remaining a couple, giving the relationship breathing room. Ironically enough, he declined in tears, and for the first time, came to me begging me not to leave him, and that I am the woman he wants, and that we would find a way to fix things. Believing him, and at the same time feeling at ease and happy for the first time in months, I agreed. I turned down my Section 8 state help (which at the time was my only other option or what Luke calls a back-up plan). We were happy for a few months, thinks were finally looking up. We were having family dinners, the children were happy, everyone was happy except Luke. He attended a few therapy sessions with me, where he told the therapist that I was controlling, that I never allowed him to speak, that I had to be right all of the time, and that I never allowed him his own space. I tried to explain to him that he had all of that before he cheated on me and that although things were going well I was having a hard time completely letting my guard down, trying to protect my heart from having to ever go through that again. He told the therapist that he was there and that should be enough for me. I suddenly fell into a deep depression, with my anxiety worse than ever before. I began taking Lorazepam along with Effexor XR, a depression medication. Then Luke began to complain about my mood swings, and my irrationality of the things that I do. He often complained on how I was raising my child, how I handled myself, how I lacked self-respect because I was always trying to put the relationship first. Then it came out “Maybe my parents were right, you are only here for my money. You can’t even pay half of the bills! I’m not your baby-sitter, I’m not your father, and I’m not your therapist!” I was outraged! After everything that I had been trying to do for us, it seemed it was all for nothing.

A few months ago, the relationship was again on the rocks, but doing well enough to where we weren’t fighting all of the time. He came to me in the kitchen and told me that his brother, a man that I had never really ever gotten close too, was getting out of jail, and needed a place to live to get his life back together. Nobody understood how hard it is to get your life together when you having nothing, more than I do, so I agreed to allowing his brother to temporarily move in to get on his feet. My only stipulation was “Luke, please don’t allow our relationship to trouble again while he is here, promise me!” and he did. One week after his brother moved in, he ended the relationship with me, saying he needed space. I was mortified yet again. How could this possibly be happening again? Right away I thought it was his brother’s negative attitude toward women, and relationships, saying they are only good for sex and making children. I was enraged, scared, and completely offset. I couldn’t go anywhere to give him space, nor could he go anywhere. I ended up losing my job, and contemplating suicide because Luke and his brother had belittled me so bad in my own home, the home I had worked so hard to make for our family. The brother told me that my child was a bastard, and that compared to his son, whom can be known as a bit troubled, his son was an angle, and my son, demonic. Then Luke tells me that he is going to have his son, (the little boy I had basically come to call my own) go to Texas to stay with him mother until things settled down. I couldn’t believe what he was doing?! The woman who once stole the child from him, where I had to use every resource I had to get him back, and now he is just going to let he have him again without any court documents?!?! I truly felt Luke was losing his mind. He obviously wasn’t thinking clearly. But if I told him that, not exactly in those words, I was being manipulative and controlling, only wanting his son here so that I could manipulate him, and bring his son into the middle of “my mess”. To prove that I wasn’t doing such a thing, I packed his sons bag, and hugged and kissed him goodbye telling him that I will be here when he returns.

I was now alone in the house with his brother, and my son. I took this as an opportunity to get to know his brother and try to explain to him that I am at a very new place in my life, and that I honestly love his brother with all of my heart. We began to actually get along. While the brother and I were talking, I got a phone call from Luke, telling me that he was going to be staying in Texas permanently because of the opportunities he had there, including that his son would have both of his parents there. I very quickly became enraged. How could he do this to me? Doesn’t he know how much I love him? I flipped out telling him that there was no need for him to come home, that I would tell his job, tell the landlord, and that I would UPS his belongings to him! Then I hung up. He continually text messaged me threatening me that he would call the IRS to have me deported because I was born in Canada, unaware that I cannot be deported. The conversation ended there. I talked to him brother about the phone call, explained to him that I had probably over-reacted, but how would anyone else have responded to a phone call like that? He encouraged me to get out of the house and maybe go on a date, that way I wasn’t sitting around the house constantly thinking of Luke. I told the brother I wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but that as long as the person I was out with was well aware of the situation, and aware that the “date” was to be casual friends having dinner. This was a huge step for me because I had learned through life that if I love Luke, that I should not be going on dates, I should be focused on him, but everything I had tried prior didn’t seem to help me or the situation. So I went to dinner with a man. It was extremely uncomfortable, I found myself talking about Luke the entire time seeking advice from a male point of view. Then my phone rings, it was Luke, while he was in Texas. I was scared to tell him the truth of what I was doing, but I knew lying wasn’t going to make anything better, so I told him I was out to dinner with someone I had recently met, but was extremely uncomfortable, and that I was sorry about my reaction to the earlier phone call. He said that he missed me and that we were to talk after I got home, seemingly jealous of me being out with another man. I tried to reassure him that it was nothing, just me trying to think about something more positive. When I got home I called him as he had asked me to, but he asked me to go into our bedroom where we had privacy. He sounded low. I was trying to keep my demeanor of standing on my own two feet without him was easy… (Yea right). The general conversation lasted 3 hours, of which he told me that he didn’t know what had come over him and that he hated Texas, and was reminded of why he loves me, and had to do some soul searching. He told him how badly he wanted to come home, to be with me, to have a fresh start. I began to cry. I pleaded with him for this not to be a joke, and for him to be sincere. He promised me it was sincere. He paid $400 for a plane ticket home a day early, and I made arrangements for my best friend to drive me to New Hampshire to pick him up at the airport. The feelings of excitement filled me; I was once again, on the right path. Now I can focus on what really needs attention in my life. His brother, who was still unemployed living with us, paying no rent, was seemingly having a hard time. I thought, if I get his brother a job, then perhaps the uneasiness of the situation at the house would settle, and the brother could move out and things could be back to normal. I talked to my employer and told him that the brother was a great worker and that he was reliable, and that I thought he would be a great contribution to the company, boom, he was hired, working more hours than I was. I thought Luke would be happy to see that I was helping everyone in the situation, and would see that as growth. Instead, one week 2 weeks later, he again pulled away saying that things just weren’t working out. He took my and my sons name off of the lease, and told the landlord that I needed to be evicted. At work, his brother was telling people about my personal life from his experiences with me, and found my co-workers suddenly not talking too me or respecting me. Then my boss comes to me and says that the drama within the work place needs to end, and that perhaps I should transfer to the other store. I was in tears. I believed so highly in this person(s), and in the end I have lost my home, lost my job, on the verge of losing my child, I have no car, no money, and in the end I have lost my integrity… I lost myself. How could this happen AGAIN? I lost control; I wanted him to pay for his selfishness, his acts of control, and his lies. I called the police on Luke knowing he didn’t have his license and had him pulled over by the police, thinking maybe then he would get off of his high horse. It didn’t. Instead it infuriated him, and to him, he saw me as a threat. (A clear mind would see this as a threatening person as well). I knew it was wrong, after I had calmed down, and told him I would help pay for the tickets; explaining to him that I acted out of pure irrationality, and didn’t mean to cause him harm, only for him to see that although his actions were legally hurting me, they were still hurting me, and because of the hold he had over my life, I felt the only way to get to him was through something bigger. (I was wrong) Then he decided that he was going to tell my 5 year old one morning that he was unplugging everything in the house, the cable, internet, Xbox, etc, because those were his, and his mother (me) was not allowed to use them because they are privileges. I was completely outraged at his actions and his choice of words to my son; in vengeance I called the cable company to where my name was on the account, and terminated the service, knowing it wasn’t permanent but that it was perhaps show him what it felt like to be controlled. (Again, an irrational act caused by depression, and GAD.) There are a few more instances which took place, through-out the last few months that are just as ridiculous as these.

When someone is depressed it is hard for that individual in general to motivate themselves to do anything. Generally there is something inside that motivates them. This motivation can vary between different individuals. For me, my motivation was love; Love for a man whom I thought was the perfect man for me, and the perfect man to be my husband. I have made constant excuses for his behavior, and have allowed him to continually put me/my character down. I believed that if I took all of those things that he thought of as flawed, perhaps that would make me a better person, and would strengthen the relationship. When a person(s) suffers from GAD, the symptoms generally affect the effected person(s) more when situations are ugly, or bad. People can become angry, vengeful, and can seem altogether as if they have lost their mind; but generally this isn’t the case. Telling someone who may suffer from depression and or GAD that they are crazy is only going to make the situation worse, and/or could put this person(s) into a state of which they don’t feel they are adequately prepared to deal with life, and have little to offer themselves, or people who mean the most to them.

What does my story have to do with Depression and GAD? A lot of the thoughts, especially negative thoughts, we generally over-dramatized, although I wasn’t aware of it at the time. An example would be me thinking that Luke’s parents hated me, when in fact, I had let my fear, and negative thinking allow this to be a reality instead of making a difference and doing something within the situation to make it better. In the end of the relationship, I had put so much faith into love that I seemingly let go of rationality. Relationships, in my research have seemingly been the place where you are made to face the actualization of your thoughts and actions because you are no longer experiencing them on your own, you have a second party there to experience them with you, and when you do love that person, and/or are in love with that person, your actions not only affect you, but everyone around you. This is also where it may become the hardest to deal with this kind of realization, because like me, I truly feel that Luke is the “man of my dreams”, but as he sees it, I would never treat somebody that I truly love, the way I have treated him. To me this is unfair because I know that it was never my intention to come across the way I did; but although it was intentional, it still happened, and there are still life altering consequences.
There are many people who refuse to accept that they are have a disease such as depression, and/or GAD, but like I stated before, putting a band-aid (denial)on a gash that requires stitches (depression or GAD) can ruin your life. I was someone who looked at depression and GAD as something I could control without medication and doctors, and that I would never let it affect me like it affected my mother. But the reality is, it’s there whether I like it or not. Believing in love, and yourself is all strongly encouraged, but do understand that if you don’t understand what your mind and body is undergoing mentally (such as depression and GAD), then you may never fully understand yourself, and therefore you may never fully experience happiness; and happiness is something that everyone deserves, but not at the expense of your sanity. I encourage everyone, whether you have depression and GAD or not, to please educate yourself on these diseases. If you yourself don’t suffer from these diseases, you could use your knowledge to help someone who does, and this may give that person(s) a better chance at happiness within their own life. A final book that I encourage many people to read in any life situation, or relationship situation is “It doesn’t have to be over! How to get your lover back” by Blake Harris M.D. I will say, the title of the book threw me completely off because the knowledge inside is more self-understanding, and how to deal with irrational thoughts during stressful times in life.

Michelle


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