The number of siblings we grow up with influences how we think about the number of children we want. Those who had happy childhoods with no siblings or one or several brothers and/or sisters lean in the direction of repeating the same or similar family constellation when we have our own children. Contrarily, if we grew up amidst a lot of bickering or had too much responsibility for younger siblings, we could want a different family configuration.
Beyond the preferences we have from growing up with or without siblings, many social and personal phenomena explain the marked trend toward single child families. In an essay in the Modern Family section of Newsweek magazine Kathleen Deveny writes about her daughter's requests for a dog since she knows she's not getting a sibling. When Deveny was growing up, "Only-kids were freaks...The size and shape of our families are often formed by forces outside our control," she notes. Click here to read the full story: Why Only-Children Rule.
As Deveny writes in her personal essay, she's raising a singleton in part because she's an older, divorced single parent who loves her job. We each have our own reasons. The trend toward only children is fueled and created by some of these factors:
• Women are marrying and starting families later than in previous generations leaving fewer childbearing years.
• Secondary infertility -having a baby, but having difficulty conceiving a second-is on an upswing.
• The divorce rate still hovers at 50 percent cutting short the time for more children.
• Men who have children from their first marriages are often willing to have only one child in a subsequent marriage.
• The cost of raising and educating children today is high.
• Adoption regulations have tightened.
• More women are in the workforce with young children and find managing job and several children too difficult.
Parents want to give their children as much emotional support and advantage as possible. To do so, they are being more thoughtful, not selfish as advocates of large families often argue. As one woman remarked, "It was so much easier for our grandparents and (some of our) parents. They didn't know what we know or have the career opportunities we have. Women's lives were mapped out: You fell in love, got married, and had children. No concern over options or how many children to have."
My husband and I grew up as
My husband and I grew up as onlies. I would not wish being an "only" on my worst enemy--but, that is my take on the situation, maybe there are others who really did enjoy it. My kids enjoy each other and are extremely close. It is a comfort to know they have such a strong bond since they lack aunts and uncles and cousins to fill the role extended family normally would.
I often catch flak for having a larger family in an age of smaller, more stylish, and (laughably) "eco-friendly" families. Mainly, the flak comes from my own family (my father was a fan of Paul Ehlrich--insert eye rolling).
While I will admit, having children at a younger age so that I could provide them with siblings has been difficult in terms of achieving my own educational/career goals UP FRONT, it has been infinitely rewarding. I've managed to work and obtain a BS, so I'm not exactly suffering, anyway. I plan to go back to school (again) in a few years to become a pediatrician. My "career life" will officially start around the time my children enter high school/college.
I guess, to sum it up, there really IS more than one way to skin a cat. If you like large families, you CAN have one. If you want to have a large family early on and a career later--it is possible. The biggest myth is that one is better than the other or one makes the other impossible. This simply is not the truth.