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Why would any man cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?

Elizabeth HurleyHugh Grant & Devine BrownWhen Hugh Grant was arrested in June 1995 with a prostitute named Devine Brown, the whole nation gasped in disbelief and asked the same question: “Why would any straight man in the right mind cheat on Elizabeth Hurley?” The same question crossed the nation’s mind when it emerged, two years ago, that Christie Brinkley filed for divorce from her husband because he cheated on her with an 18-year-old. Why would anybody cheat on the original Uptown Girl?

Unlike the rest of the world, however, evolutionary psychologists were not surprised. In fact, we would have been aghast if it were otherwise. It all comes down to a principle in evolutionary biology called “the Coolidge Effect.” This is how Matt Ridley, the science writer extraordinaire, explains it in his 1993 classic The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature, one of the books (along with Robert Wright’s The Moral Animal) from which I originally learned evolutionary psychology a dozen years ago.

The effect is named after the famous story about President Calvin Coolidge and his wife being shown around a farm. Learning that a cockerel could have sex dozens of times a day, Mrs. Coolidge said: “Please tell that to the president.” On being told, Mr. Coolidge asked, “Same hen every time?” “On, no, Mr. President. A different one each time.” The president continued: “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge” (p. 299).

I am not sure if this event actually took place in history, but it is irrelevant. The phenomenon that the anecdote highlights is real. (I’m sure that, if biologists discovered the phenomenon now, it would be called “the Clinton Effect.”) Males of all mammalian species, including humans, are evolutionarily designed to seek sexual variety, and have the psychological and physiological mechanisms to be sexually invigorated at the sight of a new female with whom they have not copulated yet.

From the perspective strictly of the genes of a human male, a human female, however beautiful and desirable (like Elizabeth Hurley and Christie Brinkley), presents two problems. First, her fecundity declines with age and reaches zero as she hits menopause. (This was a particular problem for Christie Brinkley’s husband, as she was 52 when he had the alleged affair with the 18-year-old.) Second, and more importantly, she only has one womb when he has an unlimited supply of sperm. It means that, once she is pregnant, she cannot be further pregnant for at least nine months, probably for several years due to lactational amenorrhea.

This sexual asymmetry in reproductive biology makes men much more interested in sexual variety than women. If a man has sex with a thousand women in one year, he can potentially have a thousand children but more realistically (given the probability of conception per copulation of about .03) 30 children at the end of the year. If a woman has sex with a thousand men in one year, she can only have one child at the end of the year, which she can have by having regular sex with one man. (Recall the massive difference in the lifetime reproductive performance of Moulay Ismail the Bloodthirsty and Mrs. Feodor Vassilyev.) Even a woman as beautiful and desirable as Elizabeth Hurley has only one womb, the same as Devine Brown.

The comedian (and one of my personal heroes) Bill Maher puts it best in the following standup routine. I strongly recommend the entire eight-minute clip, because Maher is incredibly funny at his politically incorrect best. (Warning: It is from his 2003 HBO special and is therefore uncensored.) But the bit that is relevant to this post happens at about 04:30.


Only the Coolidge Effect can explain why Hugh Grant wanted “Marvin Hagler in a wig” when he had Elizabeth Hurley at home. From an evolutionary psychological perspective, it is not a mystery at all that Hugh Grant wanted to have sex with other women when he had Elizabeth Hurley. The only mystery is that he had to pay for it.

Comments

Why men cheat

I read an article on this subject recently that commented on why men cheat. The reasoning is that "they want what they can't have". So, this means that if a man is married to a very beautiful woman, he will still cheat on her with the girl next door, because she is unavailable. Is this still the Coolidge Effect, or a variation?


Great!!

I can't wait to marry, invest in children, have my husband cheat on me (because he now has a valid reason), end up getting divorced or live in pain with my husbands constant cheating...can't wait to be a single mother!!! So, is this what I should naturally expect from my future husband unless he has the morals of Jesus? uuuggghh!


Morals of Jesus or evolution?

I felt the same way until my very own father a Christian missionary, a preacher, father of 4, grandfather of 3, who had traveled the world preaching to hundreds the values and salvtion of Jesus Christ, redemption. When in one sweeping action, he was found out that he had been having affairs. My mom was devestated. They had been married over 35 years. But she stood by him. I don't know why. It's all a mystery to me. As women, where do we stand on this? Do we just check our brains and emotions at the door? What do we do with our values? Is moganomy a value? Maybe we need to get start getting in sinc with out biology?


Another alternative...

...I submit that this particular case may not be a biological 'evolutionary' issue but rather an issue of sex addiction. Ask any therapist who has worked with men who use the services of a sex worker, many of them are addicted to being involved in this type of high risk behavior. Many of these men are already involved in a long term relationship as well. The stimulation they receive from being involved in this type of illicit and taboo activity is similar to the feelings experienced by an actively using alcoholic or drug addict.


Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction? Really? It's rather Freudian to believe that, because it's taboo and sexual, it leads to a rush. The evolutionary explanation is much more likely. Plus, why is it that every frequent action can be classified as an addiction these days? So exactly how often would a person have to visit a sex worker before it's an addiction? The correlary question; how much sex is "too much" in today's society?


All men don't cheat

I suppose that there are numerous reasons that we can lean on to explain why men cheat. The thrill of conquest, variety, our biological wiring, addiction, stupidity, etc. For that matter we might want to ask why women cheat because men don't have a monopoly on the practice.
I think it's a little more useful to talk about why men don't cheat. As a 37 year old man I can certainly say that the temptation is there. Beautiful interesting women are everywhere I look. I often acknowledge their attractiveness and maybe even file it away for a later fantasy. But that's the extent of it. Because as a mature (as apposed to adolescent), responsible adult and parent, I don't act on my impulses. Actions have consequences. And they are the kind of consequences I would rather not deal with; that is to say I love my wife and my two daughters, and I have committed to being there for them for the rest of my life. Is it easy? No. It's a choice. I'm not willing to jeopardize my marriage or see my girls only on the weekends. And yes there are plenty other men out there with integrity.
That being said I also notice that many women use sex as a reward/punishment. I would urge women to reconsider that tact. Sex is a biological imperative for males. We need it like women need intimacy. Don't use it against us. Even if women might not feel like having sex it's definitely in their own best interest to keep their man satisfied.
I'm not sure my wife and I could be successful as a couple without the level of communication it takes to discuss this type of thing openly and candidly.
Any way, I hope that we as a community can try to support one another rather than giving up in disgust and resorting to male bashing.


Biology can't explain everything...

It is irresponsible to look at people, either male or female, who cheat on their spouses as being victims of their evolutionary biology. As Jason pointed out, not all men cheat, and women cheat as well. When people get married, they agree to be faithful to each other, and when people cheat, they, on some level, believe that they no longer need to honor that agreement. Any number of things can lead to that, and perhaps certain people are more susceptible to straying, but in the end, when people cheat, they put their own immediate desires above that of couple, or family, as the case may be.

It's true, evolutionary psychology makes a strong argument, but there are so many other things involved. Marriages fail for many reasons. Spouses don't satisfy each others needs, people have distorted conceptions of marriage based on their upbringing or general world view, or people entered into marriage based on a false impression of their spouse's true nature. There may be thousands of reasons why Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley, and not a single one of them is a good one because in the end, he still cheated on his wife.

Furthermore--why does it matter than he cheated on her with an ugly prostitute? Why is there a more acceptable person for him to engage in an act of infidelity? Infidelity is infidelity, isn't it?


Why do we care?

Why do women care if a husband cheats? Divorce laws and sympathetic courts will ensure that a wronged woman will be taken care of materially, and there are lots of other fish in the sea .. if you really must have one.

A second point. Fidelity is different from monogamy. One ideal of marriage puts the open-ended development of both partners ahead of a narrow-minded *insistence* on anything, including monogamy. That's an ideal that a lot of people are faithful to. It isn't about monogamy so much as about openness to change, in oneself, in one's partner, in the marriage.

Sometimes I think we say we fear "infidelity" when what we really fear is change, in our partners and ourselves.


Why do women care? Because

Why do women care? Because maybe they had fallen in love with the man, and feel deeply betrayed that he cheated. Maybe she believed in monogamy, trust, and faithfulness towards each other in marriage.
Even if they get child support, and they may go out and decide to date later after divorce, doesn't mean they won't feel hurt, and possibly not be able to trust men again.
Men and women often think differently about what marriage means, and perhaps 'some' men may cheat and think that it has nothing to do with the love for their wife, which they might be able to separate from just 'sex'. BUT for many women I know, they interwine sex and love, and don't want their man to have sex with anyone else but them, and would feel devasted if their husbands cheated. Maybe it's the way we have been socialized, or partly biology.
I know it's difficult for men not to feel attracted to other women, but women want to feel like they are the only ones for their lover's eyes. Maybe those are fairy tales we learn about, but alot is based on how females think.
I guess there is no good answer, but personally I don't know if I would like to be married and have my husband cheat.


It's called self- control

It's called self- control men!! Use it. Rationality is what separates men from dogs. You do not act on your fantasys!! It's okay to look and when I mean look, I mean a glance that acknowledges she is an attractive female aside from your spouse, but do not stare and gape with your mouth wide open. That's disrespect


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