It is never a good idea to

It is never a good idea to diagnose your family members. Even if you are correct, and the odds against you being able to make an objective analysis are great, your "diagnosis" is more likely to be contemptuous than compassionate. Rather than diagnose your husband, look at the itneractive pattern between you. That you can change. You might consider doing the boot camp exercises in Love without Hurt together or separately, but you should both do them. If you can't make a live boot camp, there is a CD-ROM of narrated PowerPoint slides of the material.
Best wishes