Congratulations for wanting to do better.

If you were abusive, you did not see your partner’s perspective but merely reacted to the way she made you feel, as if she were nothing more than a source of feelings for you. With compassion, you learn to see her as separate from you, with her own emotional history, set of experiences, vulnerabilities, desires, and preferences. This would enrich your experience of her. As a result, you would value her, even when you disagree with her. Look at compassionpower.com, particularly, Love without Hurt.